I would surely lose a battle like that in court, regardless of that shes lying. Yes, I truly thought she may have been my soul mate after all, although even then I was skeptical at how extremely clingy she was. If there is fate, it has taught me to check my own energy and try to be as positive, or at least neutral, as I can in social situations. IF its true, and that is a BIG IF, she may just stroke his emotional ego sooo much that he doesnt care. And now that I put all the pieces together, I am pretty sure he left his xwife when he started having an affair with that woman. My point is for me six months silence and those kinds of insults mean you must despise me and want nothing to do with me because you think Im such a horrible individual. Thank-you for your kind words. We can work it out. When I say Im in love with you, I mean Im in love with being your sun, monopolizing your orbit, being your gravity, keeping you drawn back to me no matter how hard you try to jump or fly, keeping you down. Your story sounds almost identical to mine. ( my friends should say now.. yeah right you Always say this) But lets say he calls or texts, then what? Still a little shaky Well, the narcissist will sucker punch you, but theyll do it emotionally. lol Not as easy as i first thought. We had been married 21 years and together 24! and they just couldnt care less, they couldnt even care less what its doing to you the one they say they Love. You cant imagine how many of us went (or are still going) through the same hell as you This blog is one of the best I have ever found since I woke up in 2007, for reliable, thorough, and most of all not judgmental info. He said he does not need sex because they are friends first, pffft whatever. He let me pet his dog, small talk like nothing (what he did to me) ever happened. Often my thoughts and actions at home and work do not make sense now; and some are illegal, unethical, and stupid. I myself went three months w/o contact before I caved in and agreed to a disastrous conversation. It is sooo difficult when they are the nice narcissist. A lot of the features look the same. Im still trying to get over a 10-year thing with a narc woman. I love being your answer. The ex didnt look happy; he looked kind of bustedfaded jeans, a old work shirt and boots on unlaced; cigarette hanging from his mouth. Then the telephone bill came in for the phone I gave him, here I saw he was communicating with 3 different women plus me. I have a big heart, and this made it easier to play me and hurt me. Message received, zero distortion. He said if he found it, he would put it in my mailbox, which is next to my landladys house. But the clincher is, he didnt know that I knew he ended their friendship..and during our last big argument he tried to say that they have a bond that most ppl wouldnt understand. If you have a domestic violence center, contact them and let them know youre being emotionally abused and manipulated and see if they can open a case for you based on the details of your situation. On my part I wanted to mention so-called behavioral approach to character disturbances. We were together for 4 1/2 yrs. Ive been there , you get stuck into what he is doing instead of focusing on your which is soooo important. Due to this, he or she has a load of vile bile stewing in their stomach cavity at all times, and they need someone to project their negative emotions onto. Im sure the new girl has questioned him about this and of course they can spin it to look like you were the b-tch all along or that you are jealous of his new love but one day she will see the truth and my guess is she has already and will be adding 2 and 2. Best of luck to you!! Minimal contact, short, unemotional responses. I am a 30 year old widow.was in a relationship with a person for 2 monthshe was very smart, educated, welathy and single..but have had 2 previous relationships in which both the girls refused him according to himhe was one of my aunties friend.when my aunty spoke to him regarding me he said yes he would talk to me and said i want a perfect girl..when we started talking he was very nice.he praised me.said i am perfect for him.gave me so much of time and importance..though we were in different countries and havent seen each other yet he committed to me.he always said i wont find a guy like himhe have worked so hard to achieve all thishe have expenseive watchesi do shopping from london.my family is the best.we go on tours very often..very proud of his looks and bodyalways brag about how good he and his family isafter 3 weeks i started finding changes in him.he gets irritaed with me and yells at meon minor things like if i askare you tiredstarted avoiding mewas controlling the relationship in a way that we would talk when he have time.and whatever he wants to talk about..he would say he is the boss.doesnt show interest if I ask him to skpye or for any other thingwhen cannot call me makes excuses like i forgot my phone somewhere..one day i teased him that i saw someone who was really very nice..he abused me, yelled at me, compared this situation to his previous relationship and hung up.i apologized but still he called and said i accepeted you even though you have a past..and yelled at me..then he was just sending me one or two messages each day.then he stopped texting me and gave me a silent behavior for one month.i begged him even then he didnt respondedthen i texted him and broke up with him.he said he would call me after two days and give me a replyI said i dont want to talk to you anymore.he replied he gave me love and respect and I ruined everything..then called my aunty and said bad things about meI still love him and wish he would come backif he comes back.should I accepthim or not? You might just want to take her to small claims court for your money. YOU OWE ME . What is worse, however, when dealing with narcissists, is feeling the effect of their lack of empathy and cruelty. I moved to another state with my child as he promised me a job, in fact I was not even paid the minimum wage. I thought I was the one that was crazy, not a good person, inadequate, didnt make enough money, didnt do the right thing, couldnt keep it together. Because its not WHO I CHOOSE TO BE. And, as the mother of two children, my pain doesnt end because now they have to see him by law and I know he is slowly doing his damage to them and they will end up in therapy like all of his other kids. By this point, hed been trying to call/text for four weeks, why not send a letter? Nothing getting in the way. I love you so much much more than I could ever say and in this chaotic time of my life Ive found something truly beautiful that changes the way I look at everything (I dont think you realize just how much impact youve already left on me permanently) Dont be scared. Yeah, just going to reiterate the splendid answers your received, and add my own flavour: I was involved as a lover and friend of a BPD for 8 years. I set these goal for myself: I was just so proud of myself that i managed to get my live back on track. Keep up the good work. More often then not, Narcissists are described by their partners as the "perfect man/woman.". 1. I just started reading an article one day about Narcissism and felt like I was reading my life. I love you, with all of my soul and I love US. They dont like it when they are busted and they usually stay away from you because they know you can blow their cover. I had the good fortune to meet someone shortly after my final break up. My ex did the same. The more on blast the narcissist is, the worse the blowback will be. Tell this to friends with no codependency they dont understand.. Cat and mouse game. He plays the system well. He left one night and was missing i was so worried days went by i kept texing . I think he has a touch of something. You are a great person, one who has so many wonderful qualities, with a mighty calling from God on your life! One and only. i dont know how you maintain limited contact with him. The new supply doesnt know the narcissists agenda and will go along with whatever the narcissist asks of them. And a view days later he says it dont feel good you go look for an other man. The last outing he attended was 19 years ago. It makes me question what is real and what isnt. It eats me. Through talking with friends and learning about the situation i am in, i believe i will and can brave the storm. Theyre the ones who do the dumping. Yet, at least both parties generally have an agreed-upon narrative about what happened. However, what is very convincing to me is HIS COMPLETE DISMISSAL OF SUBCONCIOUS/UNCONCIOUS, AS AN EXPLONATORY TOOL FOR BEHAVIOUR OF THESE CHARACTERS. Im not quite sure but I have an idea. Ellen, seems to me YOU have the power now, not him! The worst emotional pain imaginable caused me to lose 30 lbs I didnt need to lose. Because we did everything together there is a lot of memories. He said he is happy with new girlfriend but thinks it would be good for us to be friends for the kids sakes. I used this image through my account with Adobe Stock, which is a service I pay for on a monthly basis and which gives me license to use the image. [] Hoovering Creating the false illusion that he/she is sorry for their cruelty. You dont want to touch that and those diseases. I have realised that I had The Narcs guy..He appeared on fb.. freinded and went all out to say he adored me etc.. then on to online erotica..bdsm ..he was coming to me in uk.. and what an amazing life we will have for years..I was so deeply in love ..he was the drug I had always wanted and boy he knew it..Then after online erotica no messages for a week or 2..the crunch came when I went to NYC..he was coming he could not wait for it.. yep guess what he never came to me..he went to local bar for the night.. he told people he was scared of me..wtf I think he did not want me to see the real him..and yes I found out he had other ff in waiting.. after 4 months of hell. Will my narcissist hoover? They might be able to help you with healing resources, and will certainly be able to help with your tendencies to self-harm. Cheers! Only a tiny moment of happiness getting his egosuply. 1. If you can't beat them join them. Mine stole $3,000 from me (borrowed it, and never paid it back, then blocked me when I began inquiring about it). Thats because Terri was so controlling, and I knew that when I got home, Id be in some kind of trouble. Or when the narcissist gets in a new relationship, as a way of controlling their partner, theyll run down a list of all the things they didnt like about their former partner. Now, I dont know if that unhappy look was due to the way I lookedlike he might have been thinking..damn! She may return days, weeks, months or years later, depending on her needs. Keep preaching it my friend!!! Rod thanks for your input. His phone would be carried into the shower and restroom at all times and turned off at night. They are jealous & envious of YOU, they literally want EVERYTHING that you are & you have, including your SOUL []. I ended up trusting him and it lasted for years (i.e. The woman whom he triangulated me against is not happy, because they use to meet and walk their dogs. But the actual discovery of an affair (long term plus who knows what else) and this last year of attempting to reusitate my marriage, has allowed me to see him and his behaviors much clearer than before. The Ultimate Narcissist Dictionary for Defining Narcissism and Narcissistic Abuse, What is Hoovering? He is no friend of mine! When he was leaving me, i asked him what he wanted to do with the brand new freezer hed bought me to replace mine that quit two months prior and he told me to keep it. I have a hard head and have struggled for years. What I now feel is like my whole sense of self has been suddenly truncated I am feeling a confusing mix of things affronted by the ease with this seeming resolution full of anger at how its affected me not to say the ambiguities I face relinking to the group as a whole I sent a contribution into the forum where they all are the other day a simple comment about something normal just like before exactly what I have missed so much some replied some talked about other stuff others started other threads it was like looking in on a room full of people chatting being excluded from that room for what is 18 months and now being able to walk in and talk like nothing has happened has made me really sad inside for the meaninglessness of it all how hard it is when this is used as a weapon manipulating and controlling a persons connectedness is a powerful and painful weapon it really hurts, none of the stress depression anxiety simply goes up in smoke I am mindful too that dealing with those things is now made more difficult given the blurring of the framework that formed them those feelings have been orphaned in a way, left out on their own, I think a big risk now for me is that I bury them try to move on without addressing them, if I was to say what I am full of at this moment it is confused anger, I did not reconnect so much as simply accept his offer of a fresh start in the sense that it was simply an idea I dont have to and dont see this person in my life the offer and its manifestation in my life was fully abstract, What happened was strange though and I am not sure I fully understand it but after he offered this fresh start and I got over the surprise and the sense that it was unexpected after he reconnected me to all the online forums that I had been banned from my sense of connection to the sport we had shared simply evaporated, It was as if in the years while there was abuse that that in itself became the thing that defined my connection to hang gliding in those years 2013/2014 my mind was fully preoccupied with the affront of having been ostracised running endlessly over how and why over how all the others seemed to simply accept it however they may have sympathised with me on a one on one level, I had initially thought I would just slowly pick up where I left off but its not working that way its almost as if I have been dumped in a way that the narcissist finally tired of the abuse and turned round and walked off the energy of the abusive link has gone and with it my link to flying flying I had had to step back from because of a need for No Contact. If we argue its ok if we do it for a little bit to vent or whatnotsure.. but unlike nightmares this one you cant wake from !!.. U have been dating a narcissist for 18 years and been married to him for 10 years before he left me and his adlut kids for someone new and i am in therpy now and want to heal but i cant get him to divorce me so heal and move on nowing i dont have the means to get rid of him and he has recently has job saying hedoesnt work there so he doesnt have to put on his health insurance.and this way he just keep living this lie he not married and lies about how kids he has and he has no contact with or me he says were his past but wont divorce me to be the past.so mw and kids can move.is there a reason for this? But a little. When things sounds to good to be true they usually are. What an incredible article. Thanks you all for the helpful advise. I know that I wanted the school year to end but being apart from you is not what I had in mind. I think about you constantly and not in an obsessive way but in ways such as I wonder what would think of this? or I wish she could see this. or simply I need her right now. Need. I too had been in a relationship with a narc for 2 1/2 years. This guy dont know him Sees only the glamour side of him and feels flatterd. I am in the same boat. Thank you for sharing your story, James. [] committed?) In hindsight, I realize it was a mistake. Also understand that is very easy from the outside looking in that she is a terrible catch, and why would I be attracted to someone like that. I dont know if i ever hear from him again. That brokenness that we originally recognized is still there and it is just not fixable by mankind. My reply to this comment of yours, came up as a comment to Kim. wonderful post. If it werent for the baby inside me I may have done just that. I am at a point i dont cry anymore. I wanted to be sure, he gets what I have to say. 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